A lot of guys ask me the question “is it OK for me to buy her a drink?”. It’s actually kind of a controversial subject amongst guys who teach others how to pick up. Some people will say “never”, because it makes you look supplicant, or needy, while others say you should always do it.

Personally, I don’t think it’s a big deal.

Certainly, you don’t want to give the impression that you are bribing a woman into talking to you. That’s why I generally advise that you don’t open a conversation with “can I buy you a drink”. However, at a certain place in an interaction, it’s totally appropriate to do this.

Usually, when I buy a woman a drink, it’s 5-10 minutes into the conversation. At this point, we’re just getting to the point where we’re moving past small talk and silly jokes, and we’re getting into a more “getting to know you” kind of conversation – the phase described in Magic Bullets as “Qualification”. When she says something funny, or interesting, trying to impress you a bit- that is the time to buy a drink for a woman. By waiting until the right moment, you make her feel as though she has earned your interest (buying a drink shows interest, obviously) by impressing you.

The key here is that if she is already TRYING to impress you, you re-enforce that by buying her a drink. “You know what, I like your attitude… I’m going to grab a drink, what do you want?”. If she’s not doing anything you can legitimately compliment her on (being hot and boring does not count) buying her a drink will simply re-enforce your status as a tool who is trying to get into her pants.

And I don’t just say “what do you want” and walk off. Buying a drink is a good opportunity to go for a little walk around the bar, and perhaps speak to her in a more private situation. If she’s surrounded by friends (most beautiful women are), a walk to the bar is the easiest and most natural way to get her away from her friends so you can speak with her one on one. Getting a woman one-on-one is a very important step in building the kind of deep attraction that you need to meet up with her again.

One disclaimer though – if she’s already drunk, don’t buy her another. Moral considerations aside, it’s much more likely to ruin your interaction with a woman than make it better. There’s nothing worse than meeting a really sweet girl at 10pm, only to find at 1am she’s a rambling, annoying drunk. Sober women are more fun, more interesting and much more likely to answer the phone when you call (or come home with you, for that matter).