Ever wonder what people are thinking about you?

Have you ever seen a group of people chattering and laughing and maybe looking at you, and wonder if they’re talking about you? Then, do you wonder whether they’re saying good or bad things about you?

Are you ever talking to a woman, and you say something that could be interpreted the wrong way, and suddenly you feel really awkward and feel the need to explain yourself?

Well, here’s the deal…

more…

I watched the Dr. Phil Interview with Paul Janka the other day, and I think I can summarize it like this:

Tall, good looking Harvard grad manages to sleep with 138 women over 10 years by devoting his entire life to getting laid.

Now, I’m not suggesting that Paul Janka has no game – I’m sure he can get a number in a club as good as any other guy out there, and I don’t doubt that he’s slept with 138 or however many women. But the fact is, the kind of attitude that Paul Janka represents is, in my opinion, the bad side of the community. I really don’t think guy in the community should be using him as a role model.

For example.

He mentions at one point that “on a good week, I go on 10-15 dates”. Where the hell does he find the time to go on 15 dates a week? That’s 780 dates a year! Even if you presume that he sleeps with 138 women a YEAR, that means he’s getting shut down 642 times! And he’s been doing this for how many years? No wonder he needs to be cheap

Clearly, Paul Janka has some serious problems with his game, and you can see it in the way that women react to him.

Now, I know that the Dr. Phil show deliberately creates drama and is happy to make people look bad if they can get raitings – heck, they tried to do something similar when Lovesystems was on the show – but you can tell that the women in the audience, and the women who interacted with Paul were NOT impressed by him. Even if it was a bit of a setup, the sentiment was genuine.

He set off their creep radar.

Deep down inside, you can tell from Paul’s writings and his attitude that he doesn’t really like or understand women.

He says you need to “avoid being manipulated by a woman’s agenda”… what agenda? If you’ve done things right, her agenda will be to hook up with you. Likewise he says you shouldn’t eat with women because they feel “bloated and uncomfortable” – that’s just bizarre.

Either Paul Janka is dating some pretty messed up women (I can believe this), or his understanding of women is warped by his own insecurities.

Now, I know people are going to say “he’s just saying you shouldn’t put a woman on a pedestal”. Well, there’s a difference between not putting a woman on a pedestal and being contemptuous and fearful of them. Paul’s emphasis on “the woman’s agenda” subcommunicates that he thinks women are out to get him, and that women aren’t capable of enjoying his company for it’s own sake.

Does Paul Janka maybe have some good ideas?

Sure. I agree with him that you shouldn’t spend too much money on women, and that you shouldn’t put them on a pedestal or let them push you around, but even a broken clock is right two times a day.

The problem is the overarching theme of Janka’s “method”, his so called attraction formula, is one which encourages being suspicious and defensive around women, and one which presumes that women are out to get you and manipulate you. And if you accept that frame, accept that mindset, you’re going to become a creep.

And you’re going to have to go on 15 dates a week, just to get laid.

See my other post, in which I am meaner to Paul Janka.

Also, check out Picking up for Beginners

Everywhere you go in the pickup scene, there are guys telling you that all you need is ROCK SOLID INNER GAME to get attraction and to make you a superstar pickup artist. Once you have ROCK SOLID INNER GAME, all your pickup problems will disappear and women will flock to you. If you don’t have ROCK SOLID INNER GAME, you’re being fake, women won’t like you, and you’ll die a virgin.

Now, I’m not dissing inner game. Having confidence, not caring too much about outcomes, not trying to impress the people around you – all these things are really good for your game, and we go into these things a lot at a lovesystems seminar

But ROCK SOLID INNER GAME is more than that. ROCK SOLID INNER GAME requires

- *NEVER* doubting yourself, even for a second.

- Living COMPLETELY in your own reality, where other people’s reactions and opinions don’t matter.

- Posessing an INCREDIBLE energy, and being an UNSTOPPABLE MACHINE.

- Having no FEAR, ANXIETY, DOUBT, or DISTRACTING THOUGHTS

Basically, ROCK SOLID INNER GAME sounds a lot like mania, narcissism or doing a lot of cocaine. If you begin to exhibit the symptoms of ROCK SOLID INNER GAME, please speak to your doctor!

You know what, I don’t have ROCK SOLID INNER GAME. Sometimes I doubt myself, sometimes I treat a girl like she’s cooler than me, sometimes I think too much when I’m in set. When I’m in set and talking to a girl, I’m not perfect, I’m not trying to be perfect, I’m just trying to be better than 99% of the chodes out there who have been hitting on her. (And of course, I am )

Voltaire once said: “The perfect is the enemy of the good”, and I think this is especially true with inner game, and pickup in general. The myth of “perfect inner game” is the idea that we must, or can, eliminate all doubt, all fear, all of our human frailties, and become some kind of mental superhero. Well, I’ve met people without doubt or fear, and they were all batshit loonballs. Trust me, a little bit of doubt and fear is OK.

I don’t have ROCK SOLID INNER GAME. I have good inner game. I doubt myself, but only as much as a pretty arrogant jock would doubt himself. I care what other people are thinking, but only maybe a bit more than an asshole would. And I get afraid, but I like the taste of fear in my mouth and it excites me.

What you need is not ROCK SOLID inner game, but some deep seated confidence that stems from a feeling of self worth. Most guys in the community need to work on reducing and dealing with (not eliminating) their doubts, they need to learn how to reduce and get over their fears, and they need to learn how to not give a shit and “go with the flow”. Right now at lovesystems, we’re working on some programs that will help guys with their inner game, because it is an important issue, but it won’t be a magic bullet, and it won’t be ROCK SOLID INNER GAME

It will, however be some of the best work from the best minds in the dating science community… stay tuned.

Someone asked me today the question: “How can you tell if a guy is going to be good at this game or not?”, and I had to think about it.

I’ve been a Lovesystems and Mystery Method Instructor for a long time now, and I’ve seen pretty much all the top guys here at MM when they were really new. Guys like Cajun, Dahunter and Braddock, who I taught and helped bring into the company, all stood out quite early on as guys with a lot of potential.

The main things I saw in all these guys was a real willingness and eagerness to learn, combined with a good, friendly attitude. All of these guys, right off the bat I liked as students. They were the kind of guys that I could have a beer with and chill out with. A lot of community guys aren’t like that.

So, what’s the point of this post? I don’t really have one. But I guess if you want to be a Mystery Method instructor, or if you just want to get good at this game, you need to learn how to game guys. If you can make a dude in a bar be your friend in 20 minutes, you have what it takes to get a girl’s number in the same amount of time.