Ok, some more on identity.

First off, there are two key elements to a good identity. Status and Excitement. A really kickass identity hits both of these elements hard, most good identities hit one or the other, and if you have neither, you need some work.

For example, if you’re an engineer, your job conveys a decent amount of status to the average woman. Engineers are perceived as, hard working, successful, and wealthy. Women don’t go crazy over engineers, but if you handle it right, mentioning that you’re an engineer is something that can make you more attractive to the average women, not less. The big problem is that engineers have a problem with being perceived as boring. A lot of engineers are REALLY self-conscious about what they do, and think it turns girls off. They’re wrong.

Here’s the mistake they make. They think that women think like this:
Engineer = Boring

But women are smarter than that. The average woman’s thinking goes more like this.

Engineer = Rich, Smart.
Engineer + boring = double boring.
Engineer + geek = geek^2.
Engineer + cool = guy I want to meet.

(I put this explanation in mathematical terms for all you engineers, computer programmers and math geeks out there).

So, as an engineer, when you’re talking with a woman, there’s no need to hide what you do, or to downplay or avoid it. You want to be proud and convey (strongly) the status that you have as an engineer. But you want to carefully avoid anything that conveys geekyness or is boring.

So I posted earlier about how I talk about Battlestar Galactica to girls…. If you’re an engineer, ignore that advice. Different rules for different people.

I had a student recently who was an accountant. Accountant is a lot like engineer in that it conveys a good deal of status (he was a really successful accountant), but is pretty weak in the excitement department. He asked me if he should put his collection of rare stocks and banknotes on the wall of his apartment.

I was like “hell no!”. That’s wayyy too geeky. We decided he’d decorate his apartment in a more “rock and roll” theme.

Much better….

Alright,

Identity is something I’ve been teaching my students for quite a while, and my students consistently say that it’s one of their favorite parts of the program. I’m going to give away a little bit of what I teach, because I think it’s important enough to share with you guys.

… I can’t believe I’m doing this.

First off, let me explain what Identity is (in a nutshell). Essentially, if your life were a book, your identity would be the cover. It’s the pretty picture on the front, the title, and the little blub on the back that sums up the story and makes you want to read further. And even though we’ve always been told to “not judge a book by it’s cover”, we all know that we all make judgments like that all the time, it’s just human nature.

Hell, I bought the hardcover version of The Game over the paperback explicitly FOR the sweet cover. And I already knew what was inside!

Anyway, to get back on topic, people judge books by their cover, and pigeon-hole people into stereotypes. Establishing an identity means figuring out which stereotypes we want to play into, and which ones we want to avoid. A solid identity can drastically change your game, and help bring all the loose ends together in your game. It means the difference between women thinking you’re odd and thinking you’re the coolest guy she’s met in weeks – it’s all about the cover.

On my programs, we spend a big part of the third day on identity, and finding out an identity for my students that will mesh with their lifestyle, and “bring it all together”. For example, when I give fashion advice, I don’t just tell guys to dress like me, I cater my advice to each person’s individual identity.