How To Approach Women

How to Approach Women

Whether you like it or not, in today’s society, you need to approach and make the first move on women – You can’t afford wait for women to hit on you. There are some Dating Coaches out there who suggest that you don’t need know how to approach women. They suggest that you can somehow do something that will make women open you. These people are clueless at best, or most likely just trying to tell you what you want to hear so they can get your money.

Now, I’m not saying that women never approach men, but you are going to be waiting a long time, and you’re not going to have the choice of meeting the women you want to meet. Waiting for a woman to approach you is like waiting for employers to call you up at home and offer you jobs: it’s a pretty weak strategy.  You’re going to wind up meeting more women, and women you are more interested in if you learn how to approach women.

So, rather than wait for women to approach you, make the decision to go out and take the initiative.

There are two main strategies you can use as you learn how to approach women, each with it’s own strengths and weaknesses.

How to Approach Women with The Direct Approach

This strategy is where you basically put your cards on the table and show you’re into a woman from the beginning. The advantage of this technique is that women give you “bonus points” for being ballsy, and done properly, with excellent body language, you can really sweep a woman off her feet with a good direct approach.

The disadvantages of the direct approach is that the girl has to decide up-front, based almost purely on your bodylanguage and looks, whether she likes you and wants to be receptive to your approach. It also can be awkward when there are friends around, and beautiful women are almost always with friends.

In practice, I usually use the Direct Approach when I think a girl already likes me. If I notice her check me out, or if a woman is just kind of lingering near me for a bit, I’ll immediately go direct and open with “You’re cute, what’s your name” or something similar. I also go direct when I’m on the dancefloor, and I’ll use it more often later in the night.

The best, and ballsiest Direct Approach is “Pardon me, I just saw you from across the bar/street/whatever and thought you were absolutely gorgeous, and I had to introduce myself, I’m xxx”. This usually gets a really positive reaction, but the tough part is that you need to quickly move from this ballsy approach into a conversation.

How to Approach Women with The Indirect Approach

The Indirect Approach is when you start up an “innocent” conversation with a woman, make her laugh a bit and basically act like you’re not that into her  for the first few minutes. Basically what you’re doing here is baiting her to start hitting on you.

There are a couple advantages to the indirect approach. The main one is that it gives you an opportunity to display some wit and charm before she decides whether she likes you, unlike direct game where she has to decided right away. The other big advantage is that you can win over her friends a lot easier using indirect game, and winning over her friends makes your job MUCH easier.

The easiest way to start a conversation is by asking a question about some sort of drama in your life. Women love answering questions about interpersonal relationships. Do you need to use canned openers to pick up? No, you don’t. But canned openers are really useful as a backup.

I love to open with spontaneous stuff whenever possible, but when I meet a really great girl, my mind has a bad tendancy of going blank. Seriously, the hotter the girl, the dumber the thing my brain wants to open her with. Thankfully, whenever I meet a woman of such quality that my brain turns to mush, I have a bunch of canned openers to fall back on.

Here are two examples of openers that are great for beginners.

The Jealous Girlfriend Opener

The Two Part Kiss Opener

In practice, the best way to learn how to approach women is by using the Indirect Approach early in the evening, and chatting up a bunch of different groups of people, even ones where you’re not really into the girls. This generates social proof and the other women in the bar start to notice that you seem to be mister popular (and they notice these things!), and become more attracted to you. Later on in the evening, around midnight, I start using the Direct Approach a lot more, since many of the women in the bar will have noticed me already, and Direct Approach works a lot better late in the evening when people are getting a bit more drunk and wild.

The most important part of any opener is your body language. If you’re poised, relax and smooth when you open, you can open with anything. You can check out Cajun on Keys to the VIP if you want to see what good bodylanguage looks like in action.

There’s nothing really special about these openers – they just work. Feel free to invent your own.

Oh, and while you’re here, I might as well show you the video that Cajun and I did about How to Approach Women.


Head back to How to Pick up Women for Beginners

Chris ShepherdHow To Approach Women
  • The owner

    Your bang on the money Tenmagnet. You didn’t mention going out and buying a crushed velvet ski-doo suit….

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