How important are looks?

I noticed that Thundercat’s blog is talking about looks vs personality, and how they relate to pickup. I thought I’d chime in since it appears to be the topic du jour.

I have to confess; I don’t think I’m an ugly guy. I don’t think I’m that good looking either, I’m kind of neutral.

Women used to tell me I look like Tom Hanks. I didn’t really consider that a compliment – Tom Hanks isn’t exactly a sex symbol. You usually don’t see Tom Hanks picking up the gorgeous girl at the end of his movies. I believe he made out with a volleyball in Castaway.

I’m also 5”8’. Again, at 5”8, I’m lucky enough that I can’t really be called short, but I can’t really be called tall either. Sometimes I get tall students, and I think to myself “Damn you! If I was your height I wouldn’t have to do a damn thing!”, of course, that’s a classic case of the grass being greener on the other side of the hill.

It’s funny though, but the tall, good-looking students I get aren’t necessarily any better with women than the shorter, less attractive students. I’d say they often have an easier time opening, but in the end, opening and getting into conversation is only 20% of the game. When it comes to the rest of the game, a lot of the time, the good looking guys just don’t know what to do.

Then you’ve got guys like Cajun. Cajun is shorter than me, scrawnier than me, and personally, I think he’s less attractive than me too. He also dresses like your dad did in the 80’s. But Cajun does at least as well as I do, and both of us do a lot better than most of the good-looking, tall guys at the bars we go to.

What’s the difference?

The fact is, when it comes down to it, women don’t really care about looks that much. Now, I’m not going to say that it’s totally irrelevant, and that it’s not a factor at all – but it’s really not that big of a deal to most women. Social intelligence and social dominance (Aka, coolness and balls) are a lot more important than any physical attribute. As guys, we’re a lot shallower in the way we evaluate women than women are when they look at us (thank goodness).

And even when it comes to what women percieve as “good looking”, that varies a ton. Being “good looking” as a guy has a lot more to do with the clothes you wear and the way you groom and carry yourself than it does with your physical traits. The character of Tony Soprano is considered a lot more attractive than Tom Hanks is, despite the fact that he’s overweight, because he conveys a personality that is intelligent, dominant, and caring (at some level). And he LOOKS good because he carries himself in a way that is congruent with this personality.

Anyway, here are a few things that guys can do to be more attractive. You can seriously bring yourself up several leagues of attractiveness just by implementing these tips properly.

1 – Fix your posture. If you use a computer more than 30h a week, your shoulders probably slouch forward and make you look shy, wimpy and lame. Shoulders down and back, walk tall. Consider Pilates or the Alexander technique if this is a problem.

2 – Go to the gym. You don’t need to be a muscle head to become more attractive to women. Just a few hours a week can tone out your body, broaden your shoulders and straighten up your back. Even a little change like this makes a big difference.

3 – Get a good haircut. A lot of guys are in love with their dumb haircut. It’s like, having a “fro” is their expression of individuality. Recognize that if your individuality is defined by your haircut, you’re pretty lame. “Fro guy” is not an identity. (I was Fro Guy in my freshman year).

4 – Buy some good clothes. They don’t have to be expensive, but they need to fit you right and they need to convey something about you.

5 – Check out Thundercat’s site over the weekend, because he’s going to be talking about this subject in a lot more detail.

Chris ShepherdHow important are looks?
  • onethirtynine

    Well said, TM!

  • Drakar

    Great article TM…very insightful as usual

  • http://www.tsbmag.com Bobby Rio

    My thoughts on looks is:

    Very few people are so ugly that they can’t improve on their looks.

    My advice is follow the 4 steps laid out above… and Get yourself looking the best you possibly can.

    Don’t use the whole “looks don’t matter” as an excuse to let yourself go.

    Girls don’t necessarily need a guy who is super handsome… but they want a guy who takes pride in his appearance.

  • http://greendroppings.com simon

    TM, aren’t you sporting a fro at the moment?

  • jenni

    As a woman, I totally agree with the advice. Except I LOOOVE fros. Clean-looking, soft fros…. yummy! They catch my attention like nothing else. And please don’t overdo it in the gym.

    And while it’s good to get yourself looking the best you can (or as close as you can cuz most women really don’t care bout chiseled abs and perfect hair), don’t forget to work on character. Personality and looks attract, but character keeps. Ooops, I’m probably talkin to the wrong crowd eh? ;) Isn’t this a “how to bed women” site or sompin?

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