This article was written by Pete Sheriff. Pete is a Senior instructor at Lovesystems who runs programs in London, Asia and Australia.
How to Overcome Sticking Points
If you’re going out regularly, you should by now have started to uncover some of your sticking points – places where you’re not quite sure of where you’re going wrong, or issues you’re finding it a challenge to address.
This is actually a GREAT thing! It means you’re learning! But obviously, you also want to overcome these. Here’s an absolutely fantastic exercise for identifying and overcoming sticking points .
Take a blank piece of paper. At the top, write “I see this beautiful girl in a bar”. At the bottom, write “We start having sex”.
Then: in as much detail as possible, fill in the gaps. What did you say to open her? How did you transition? What do you do and say to get her emotional, show high value, and escalate? How do you isolate her? How do you bounce her back to your place? Deal with LMR?
Almost certainly, you’ll get to a point where you’re not entirely sure what to write. Congratulations! You’ve found your current sticking point.
So: what COULD you do in this situation? Start to brain-storm some ideas. Search Tenmagnet’s blog. Search The Attraction Forums. Check Magic Bullets. IF you’re a member, consider posting a question to The Lovesystems Lounge about this.
You don’t need to work out the best thing to say – you’re not looking for lines to memorize, and you’re not looking for some kind of magical routine – it’ll never go down the way you’ve planned it anyway. You’re looking for an understanding of a plausible next step. Don’t accept answers like “Then you be an alpha male and she fucks you” – not good enough. Ask for specific sample dialogue. Don’t try and replicate those, don’t try and parrot that off, but use them to get an understanding of what and why happens next.
I first used this exercise to address issues I was having extracting girls from clubs, and getting them back to my place. I got to “We’re making out in the club” and I really wasn’t sure what to do next.
I asked a bunch of guys for advice – and a natural friend of mine told me “Last time, I told the girl I’d make her a cocktail back at mine”. Not being the smartest tool in the box, I used this as the excuse I’d always needed to spend a great deal of money on cocktail-making equipment!
First time I found myself in this situation again, I said to the girl “So, you want to come back to mine for a cocktail?”. She said “No!” Oooops. But I asked for more advice, got some specific suggestions on making the bounce home easier, and soon got it sorted – and started having a lot of one-night stands on the basis of it.
The point here is: you’ll be very lucky if you get it right first time – but a plausible idea of how to go about it is absolutely crucial.
Here’s a recap of the key points of this exercise:
- Write a personal, detailed, and fictional descriptions of how you went from seeing a girl to closing her to help you get the process straight in your head, and identify your weak points
- Ask for advice any time you find yourself having trouble writing plausible dialogue or action sequences
- The point isn’t to prescript the interaction, the point is to identify your sticking points in getting from A to B – it won’t ever go down the way you planned anyway
There’s an excellent section in Magic Bullets about getting girls home – if you don’t own it yet, it’s a great resource. I’m also a big fan of the interview Braddock, Rokker and Mr M did on just this – you can grab the over coming sticking points interview here.
Here’s the most important part: do this exercise NOW. It’s super useful, but you can only get over your sticking points if you do it properly!
4 responses so far ↓
1 Erika Awakening // Sep 1, 2009 at 7:48 pm
hi Tenmagnet,
I’m fascinated by sticking points.
Mainly because very often someone SAYS they desperately want to get over something, but then they never do … so really there is a part of them that doesn’t WANT to get past the sticking point.
In my work, I find it’s often “guilt” or what we call “psychological reversal” (meaning there’s a secondary benefit of staying stuck).
It’d be super fun to have a conversation with you some time about stubborn sticking points.
xoxo,
Erika
Erika Awakening´s last blog ..So many exciting things on the horizon …
2 Best Weekend Reading From Around the Web // Sep 20, 2009 at 2:43 am
[...] wrote a cool post over on Tenmagnet’s blog about how to overcome your sticking points meeting women. If you haven’t already listened to it; I did a podcast titled how to [...]
3 Best Weekend Reading From Around the Web // Sep 20, 2009 at 2:43 am
[...] wrote a cool post over on Tenmagnet’s blog about how to overcome your sticking points meeting women. If you haven’t already listened to it; I did a podcast titled how to [...]
4 Adventures of Keychain | Keychain Recommends… // Dec 2, 2009 at 4:52 am
[...] TenMagnet’s post on Sticking Points. It’s really good, solid advice for those of us who are consistently in-field. Ten knows what it takes to get good, he’s been teaching bootcamps for longer than anyone else in the company. Check out his post here. [...]
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