Thoughtmagnet

A student asked me this question on the Lovesystems Lounge (a private forum we have for former students that you get access to after a bootcamp). It touches on something a lot of guys have problems with, so I thought I would repost it here.

There’s tons of info about how you get the girl into your house, but what’s the best place to get her out after sex? Some of the girls take a hint and leave, but others don’t. I’m talking about both ONS’s and FB’s here.

The morning after is often a pretty awkward situation, and the way you handle it can have a really big impact on whether you wind up falling into a relationship you don’t want, wind up cultivating a good relationship that makes you both happy, or wind up making a woman feel cheap and used.

It isn’t hard to get a woman to leave in the morning – the key is to occupy the moral high ground, and then to be firm yet kind with her. Yes, they’ll act a bit clingy and they’ll want to stay, but if you don’t know how to put your foot down with a woman, and feel the need to avoid confrontation, you’re going to have a rough ride in your relationships.

First of all, I follow proper etiquette. That means that a girl who is back at my place after 3AM gets to spend the night in my bed, and we have a quick breakfast in the morning (if there’s time). If she’s keeping me up at night, I have no problems telling her to get onto her side of the bed, stop snoring, or even sleep on the couch if it’s bad enough.

All this advice presumes that the woman you pulled home isn’t so monstrous that you really can’t stand sleeping next to her, or sharing a quick breakfast with her. In that case, you really need to raise your standards, or drink less. I’ve been there, it’s not pretty.

Anyways, when I’m getting a woman to leave in the morning, there are a couple principles I follow.

1 – Make plans for later in the week – This gives you the moral high ground, and allows you to be firmer without making her feel cheap, or coming off like a jerk. You want to communicate that you like her, but you just can’t hang out right now.

2 – You don’t need some big excuse to get rid of her. Just tell her you have “things to do”. It can be laundry, shopping, cleaning or any other thing that you need to do on a Sunday. You have a life, and your life is important. She has no right to demand you put your life (even the trivial bits) on hold for her. Do not make up some big excuse; that’s a weak man’s way of avoiding confrontation.

3 – If she is being clingy, show you are annoyed – Women know that clingy behavior is a turn off. If she acts clingy, look at her disapprovingly. She’ll realize what she’s doing and head off. She’ll also learn that you’re not a pushover. Learn to communicate when she’s pissing you off. It’s better for both of you in the long run.

4 – As long as you follow basic etiquette and keep the moral high ground, you have every right to your privacy. If she tries to linger, shoo her out the door. Women often ask more of you than they are entitled to, it’s your job to set your boundaries and stick to them firmly. In the long run, she’ll respect you more and your relationship will be stronger if you stick to your guns – even if she pouts and complains.

Here’s how a typical conversation for me might go.

Tenmagnet: Alright babe, I have stuff to do today. Let’s hang out on Wednesday.

Her: Awww… what do you have to do today?

10: Lots of stuff, laundry, emails….

Her:
Why don’t we sit around for a bit.

10: No, seriously, put your shoes on, we’ll hang this week.

Her: Hrrumph.

Women often get pouty when you kick them out this way, but that’s life. In the end they lean to respect you and your space, and learn that you’re not a pushover, which is very important as your relationship progresses.