Thoughtmagnet

If you’re a single guy who likes women, and have even half decent game, chances are you’ve been called a “player” at some time or another. Probably, at the time you didn’t know what to think of that word – is it a bad thing?? Is it a good thing? Is she telling me I’m an asshole, or that I’m charming?

The fact is, women have a love-hate relationship with players, and depending on the circumstances, you can be good kind of player – the ladies man that women love (even if they know they can’t have him), or the bad kind (a dickwad life support system for a penis).

The things that make the difference between a ladies man and, a sleazeball player are discretion, honesty and follow-up.

Discretion means that a woman has to feel like she can hook up with you without facing any negative social consequences, or being seen as easy. That means no locker-room talk with your buddies, or blabbing to other girls. In my life, I’m REALLY serious about this: I’ll tell students to edit their reviews of my bootcamps if they mention me hooking up with someone. You must protect the reputation of the women who chose to be with you. Not following this rule is incredibly tacky, and makes you look like an insecure, braggy tool.

Honesty is kind of the flip-side of discretion… you shouldn’t lie or be dishonest. Don’t try and pretend that you’re looking for a relationship when you’re not (read my “I dont want a relationship” post for more info on that). And don’t try to pretend to be deep or romantic or any of that stuff if you’re not.

Now, there’s a bit of a conflict between being discrete and being honest, which begs the question “How do you be discrete without lying?”… the answer is – you tell her you’re not going to answer certain questions. Of course, any woman who hears “I’m not going to answer that question” is going to make certain presumptions, but the important part here is that you’re protecting the reputations of the girls you hook up with, without being a sleazy liar. Also, when you refuse to talk about the girls you hook up with, women automatically presume you’re some kind of super-lover who must be able to have any woman he wants.

Third is follow-up. Most women don’t want to be your girlfriend after hooking up with you (especially if they think you’re a player), but they get really upset if you don’t treat them with respect afterwards. A lot of lame-ass sleazeball players run away after hooking up with a girl, like they’re afraid that they’re going to turn into her boyfriend if they just call her back the next day. A man who understands women will realize that this isn’t the case, and isn’t worried about these things. So you should call her, talk to her if you run into her at your school/work/church/STD clinic. Even if it’s awkward, and you’re worried that she might be more into you than you are to her, you still need to treat her at least like a friend. If you don’t do proper follow-up, you come across as weak, scared, immature and selfish, and women WILL hate your guts and will talk crap about you to their friends.

Even if you do all these things properly, women will probably still hassle you about being a player, and try to make you change your ways. But as long as you’re discrete, honest and respectful, you’ll be a smooth guy that they love to hate, not a guy they actually dislike.