Someone asked me recently whether women like “gentlemen”. My answer is basically, yes and no.

The fact is, being a bit of a gentleman is often a very good thing, but a lot of guys take it too far and act like tools. Gentlemanly behavior often looks a lot like ass-kissing, which is a huge turnoff, but it doesn’t have to be that way.

I do gentlemanly things, but I absolutely DENY being a gentleman. Girls love it.

What most guys do wrong is they heard from their mothers that women like it when guys open doors for them, so they go running around making sure they open every door, and then act as if they want a cookie afterwards.

So yeah, I open doors, I pay for dinner.

But, I do un-gentlemanly things too, often at the same time. So we’re standing outside and it’s cold and I give her my jacket:

10Mag: Hey, put this on, that cold face you’re making is bothering me.
Girl: Aww, you’re such a gentleman.
10Mag: Hahah, I am definately *not* a gentleman (wink).

Also, I only do chivalrous things when it’s either a) effortless, or b) important. So I’ll open car doors when I don’t have to run around the car like I’m her butler or something, or if she’s holding something that makes it awkward for her to open the door herself, but I’m not going to go out of my way much.

Also, I don’t walk on the outside of the street, because that’s some dumb rule left over from when cities had open sewers at the side of the road, but I DO walk between my girl and anyone creepy or scary.

This is a repost from the MM forums…

I’m currently dating this HB8, although we have only a little conversation when we’re on IM and phone, she always came out with me when I invited her, and the vibe was always good, I did some kino too, we do hand massage for each other, and I will rub her arms overtly(she said that she likes the feeling of it), furthermore I will tickle her hand and play with it, she won’t reject that at all, but she will just passively let be play with it and won’t play back(tickle my hand).

BUT, when I try to hold her hand when we are walking, I can feel her rejection of it, I tried it twice but she always tries to pull back, so I throw her hand off instead.

I don’t know what’s the problem, this is the second time that I confronted this kind of problem. My previous date has the same issue, so I give up trying her.

Not enough verbally escalation? Or that I ignore something in the game?

I consulted some of my girl friends, they told me to be there boyfriend first, then afterwards hold her hand? But is that really necessary? I don’t want to fall in the supplicate role.

Buy the way, I’m from Taiwan Asia , the girls here tend to be much more conservative than western chicks, but I’m wondering is this a cultural difference or just a another limited believe?

Cultural differences are definitely real, though deep down inside women are essentially the same no matter where you go.

The difference is in the details, in the subtle things, but it can make or break your game.

For example, in Asia, it’s just not as acceptable to touch another person as it is in America. So kino, for Asians, is often *way* more subtle than for Americans. With an American girl, I could throw my arm around her shoulder 5 seconds into the conversation, and pull her hair a minute in. That kind of kino would totally freak out a nice, Confucian-raised Taiwanese girl. Likewise the kind of kino that would work in Asia would appear timid to an American girl.

But it works the opposite way too. I dated a Japanese girl for a while, and the night we met up I was kinoing her and being fun, but she still seemed pretty uptight. So I laid off the kino for a bit and just told some funny stories, and a few minutes later there was her hand on my knee, and she left it there and gave it a little rub.

That subtle little move was Japanese for “I want to jump your bones (and she did). Now, if an American girl did that to me, I wouldn’t read too much into it, but coming from an awkward, conservative Japanese girl, I knew it meant a lot. So what I did was kino back (equally subtly), and kept building comfort until it was time to bounce.

So anyways, to summarize, just because this girl doesn’t want to hold your hands in public doesn’t mean for sure that she’s not attracted to you. It means you need to get her ALONE in a comfortable place before you can really kino her properly and tell if she likes you or not. Trying to push things forward with a shy girl when you’re not alone is a recipe for failure.