I don’t want a relationship right now.
This phrase is a huge game-killer for many reasons, whether she says it or you say it. There are a couple reasons why it sucks, the first of which is because it’s ambiguous. The problem is that “relationship” means different things to different people.
1 – It could mean “I am blowing you off politely”
2 – It could mean “I just want a one night stand, and I don’t want to call you in the morning”.
3 – It could mean “I don’t want to be your GF/BF, I just want something really casual (but affectionate)”.
4 – It could also mean “You’re giving me needy vibes like you want to be my BF, and it’s turning me off – please change”.
Usually when guys say this to women, they mean “I don’t want to be your BF”, and the girl takes it as “I just want an ONS”.
Often when women say this to guys, they mean they want something casual, or “you’re being needy” and guys take it as a total blowoff.
Either way, when this phrase gets said, people don’t hook up, and happiness and joy don’t come. Shame.
The other problem with “I don’t want a relationship right now” is that if taken literally, it demonstrates a dorky lack of social intuition and emotional honesty. After all, if you met The Girl of Your Dreams, would you not be open to a relationship? If your answer is still no, you’re a cold hearted social retard who will die unhappy. If your answer is yes, you’re a liar. So what do you do?
Don’t say it!
Most of the time, you can just “go with the flow”, and if you’re a little bit open for a relationship (with the right girl), yet very picky, you’ll have the same attitude as 90% of the women out there – no relationship discussion needed.
In the event you still feel the need to make it clear to her verbally what your intentions are, “I’m not looking for something serious” works a lot better – you’re cool with a friends w/benefits type relationship, and if your chemestry was *really* good, you still might be open for something serious. This is the kind of attitude that most women are totally cool with.
Great post!
I like the reasoning behind it.
Although, IMHO, whenever I’ve gotten I don’t want relationship into the conversation, I get a lot less ASD from the girl. Coincidence?
Oh, and always be sure to remember, when sitting by your computer post-coital or otherwise, to show them the “I just want bang bang bang” video. It’s funny, it’s cocky, it’s not you, yet it is you… works like a charm!
//Nomaggiz
August 23rd, 2007 at 6:56 pmnice blog!
September 2nd, 2007 at 12:15 pmnice blog!Nice information
September 3rd, 2007 at 3:30 pm[...] try and pretend that you’re looking for a relationship when you’re not (read my “I dont want a relationship” post for more info on that). And don’t try to pretend to be deep or romantic or any of [...]
July 21st, 2008 at 8:32 pm[...] first of all, check out my blog for my "I don’t want a relationship" post for how to handle that phrase. As for the jealousy plotline thing, what you did wrong [...]
November 12th, 2008 at 1:36 pm[...] If you liked this post, check: I don’t want a relationship right now. [...]
February 5th, 2009 at 2:57 pmi am cold hearted so it looks like i will die unhappy
July 18th, 2009 at 7:49 pmYou should work on that!
July 18th, 2009 at 8:12 pmI’m a female who has met a couple great guys, however I do not want a relationship because I am extremely focused on my goals right now. In the past, I have been distracted and gotten sidetracked by trying to make time for those I was dating when I could. This detracted me and put me behind while trying to meet their needs. They’d call me at inconvenient times (which anytime within a thirteen hour period was inconvenient). I’d be annoyed, they’d think I wasn’t interested or cheating etc. Overall it just became an added stress. So, to put all that to an end I reiterate I’m not looking for a relationship. This still does not work all the time as certain men still try to push the issue. It’s as if my saying it makes them want to change my mind and committ. So, for me…committing to one guy is not on my important things to do today, tomorrow, or next year list. Also, I enjoy the freedom to hang with a new guy too if I chose to. I might add…I’ve also had my feeling hurt pretty badly when I was in a longterm relationship in the past and guard my feelings like a Massai Warrior getting paid a million dollars an hour to protect a blood diamond.
November 20th, 2010 at 11:41 amPart Deux:
I might also add that when some of these great guys moved on and got in a serious relationship…I was mortified. When I’ve confronted them, they would always be like “well do you want to get serious?” My response was always a huge cringe and God no! Then they’d be like so what do you expect me to do if I want to settle down? Long, long, sigh. I guess I want to have my cake and eat it to, but if it’s my cake why can’t I eat it too?
November 20th, 2010 at 11:48 amI’m a woman choosing to stay single… Unlike what the author wrote I’m a very educated woman and I do know what I want. My problem is that a lot of men don’t know what they want in a woman and when they get it they don’t know what to do with me so, this has become a life style for me not just a choice
March 20th, 2011 at 6:41 pm“If your answer is still no, you’re a cold hearted social retard who will die unhappy.”
You do realize that you do not need a relationship to be happy right?
May 12th, 2011 at 10:29 pm