This is a question I received today from a former student, I thought I would share with you.

Tenmagnet,

I am having some difficulties with my game and need some advice. I am still confused over the whole ‘bad boy’ / ‘nice guy’ paradox. I know a girl who is very attractive who I would like to shag but she is obsessed with this other guy. I have heard her say that this guy always has women around him, so he obviously has social proof. Not a good-looking guy at all, much younger than her and a bit of a rogue. He has told her that he is not interested in a relationship and just wants her for sex. She says she loves him and hangs on every word he says, every text message etc etc. You get the picture anyway, he is a typical bad boy. Now I know if I said something like that to a women she would just tell me where to go.

I am nothing like this guy at all. I am more of a caring type of guy but thats not to say I am a complete pussy. I can do the cocky, cheeky banter at the outset but I find that I play this for too long, almost over compensating, conscious of being a nice guy and they get pissed off with me and leave. Heres what I dont get; I cant imagine for one minute that this bad boy guy is talking to the girl in a caring way ie buiding comfort with her. He is the sort to not consider her feelings, not call her etc. why does she not get pissed off with that? I guess the fact that she cant win him over makes him more attractive to her? Surely at some point she is going to want to stop chasing him and just relax and know she has her man. Are some girls just attracted to men they cant have? Do some girls not want to talk on a deeper level? Mystery does not strike me as a bad boy – his method tells us to talk to women on a deep level when getting to comfort, which to me means being a caring and ‘nice guy’. When I try throwing in cocky/funny stuff here and there after reaching comfort I find it gets me into hot water and they seem disappointed so I figure just be nice all the time – not sure if this is the right thing to do.

I like to buy gifts and flowers for girls and I know you can do too much of this but I am now confused as to whether to do it or not. I find I resist giving women compliments because I do not want to come off as kissing her ass – as a result the last girl I went out with left me because she said I was selfish. I suppose it is about balance but thats something I am finding
difficult. I am also very attached to the outcome all the time and this doesn’t help.

Sorry this is a long one but can you give me some advice? Thanks.

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Hey man,

The thing is, if you’re a bad boy, just a little bit of comfort can go a LONG way. If you are distant and aloof, but when you’re alone you tell a little story about yourself that shows some deep things about you, it’s better than 5 hours of comfort from a nice guy who has no edge. Chances are, this guy you’re dealing with has a few moments of vulnerability which make up for his otherwise jerky behavior.

Remember, what women want primarily is strength, and after that, enough comfort to know that your strength is something they can rely on. They don’t want a servant. They want a badboy with a heart of gold. Someone who is rough around the edges, and only a special woman can open him up.

You say you throw in C&F in comfort – comfort is the WORST time for C&F stuff. It usually blows your set. C&F is for the first 5 minutes, when you need to show her you’re cool. After that, you get a bit more genuine.

As far as gifts and flowers, anything over a few bucks should be saved for once you’re in a relationship. Less is more in this situation, if you buy her flowers 2x a year, it’s going to have a much bigger impact than if you buy her flowers once a month. Make her feel that she has EARNED all the compliments and gifts you give her. If she hasn’t earned them, she won’t value them.

Complimenting a woman is perfectly fine, but you don’t want to do it too much and in a needy way. Again, let her earn a compliment. When she’s being nice to you and trying to impress you, be impressed, when she’s not trying to impress you, don’t bother. That way you’re simultaneously being “nice”, but also making her work for your affection.

In any case man, you’re going to have to let go of this girl and move on. Try and learn from the experience. I’ve been there man…

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