Alright,

Identity is something I’ve been teaching my students for quite a while, and my students consistently say that it’s one of their favorite parts of the program. I’m going to give away a little bit of what I teach, because I think it’s important enough to share with you guys.

… I can’t believe I’m doing this.

First off, let me explain what Identity is (in a nutshell). Essentially, if your life were a book, your identity would be the cover. It’s the pretty picture on the front, the title, and the little blub on the back that sums up the story and makes you want to read further. And even though we’ve always been told to “not judge a book by it’s cover”, we all know that we all make judgments like that all the time, it’s just human nature.

Hell, I bought the hardcover version of The Game over the paperback explicitly FOR the sweet cover. And I already knew what was inside!

Anyway, to get back on topic, people judge books by their cover, and pigeon-hole people into stereotypes. Establishing an identity means figuring out which stereotypes we want to play into, and which ones we want to avoid. A solid identity can drastically change your game, and help bring all the loose ends together in your game. It means the difference between women thinking you’re odd and thinking you’re the coolest guy she’s met in weeks – it’s all about the cover.

On my programs, we spend a big part of the third day on identity, and finding out an identity for my students that will mesh with their lifestyle, and “bring it all together”. For example, when I give fashion advice, I don’t just tell guys to dress like me, I cater my advice to each person’s individual identity.

Well, my last post on being a successful risk-taker certainly created a bit of controversy. I’ve had everything from applauds to people accusing me of encouraging people to endanger children… lol. In any case, one thing that came out of the whole curfuffle is that the concept needs a bit of explanation. So here goes.

First of all, a lot of people asked “How do you really demonstrate being a successful risk-taker?” After all, your average date or meet-up at a bar doesn’t really provide many opportunities for risk-taking.

Realistically, it’s more important to avoid looking risk averse, than to try and look risk-taking. So when you are telling stories, you want to avoid any signs of being risk-averse.

So for example you don’t say “I really wanted to go into medicine, but life sciences were really competitive, so I decided to take psychology”. That’s demonstrating risk-adversity, and loser mentality.

Likewise, you want to tell stories about how you did risky things, and how it turned out. I’ll talk about starting my business, and how I took a big risk in quitting my job, but look how it turned out. I’ll talk about how I foolishly wound up in a riot while I was trying to get footage for a documentary. I’ll even talk about some stuff I did that was actually kinda dumb (to avoid looking like I’m bragging), but how it turned out fine anyways.

Also, you should keep in mind that what qualifies as risk-taking is dependent on your age, and your place in life. I’ve broken into abandoned buildings on dates with girls, and it was awesome, but if you’re a 45 year old stockbroker, that would probably be inconsistent with who you are. For older guys, for whom it’s more important to come across mature and respectable, it’s still totally ok to talk about crazy things you did in your twenties, while also sub-communicating that you’re beyond that now.

As you guys probably know, we talk a lot here about three “Attraction Switches”, which are the core traits that women find attractive in men. The three switches are 1 – Preselected by women 2- Leader of men and 3 – Protector of loved ones. I’ve been thinking about this for a while, and I think we should consider adding a fourth attraction switch; successful risk taker.

Why successful risk taker? Think about it – what is the most unattractive adjective that a woman can pin on a man? It’s LOSER. Being a loser is the most unattractive thing that a guy can be. Dumb, player, weird, badly dressed, dorky – all these are bad enough, but loser if the king of the insults when coming from a woman.

In a game of chance, your chance of success depends simply on what game you’re playing, and your strategy. There are no world-champion blackjack players, because (aside from counting cards), there’s no strategy you can use to win. But in real life, there’s an extra factor – you. Some people, when they take a 1 in 10 risk, win every time. Some people, when they take a 50/50 risk, tend to fail a lot. The first group of people are winners, and the latter are losers. Which category of person you fall into says a lot about your character and ability to succeed in the world. You can also tell which kind of person someone is by the risks they take.

For example, there’s a common statistic out there that says 2/3 of all small businesses fail within the first two years. From that statistic, you might reasonably assume that starting a small business isn’t really a smart idea. You might read that statistic and think “I’m better off here in the office, working for the man”, but that’s loser thinking. That 2/3 statistic is only relevant if you’re just as smart, competent and hard-working as the average small business owner. If you’re brilliant, talented and you have a good small business idea, your chance of failure might very well be zero.

Likewise with sports. The chance of a highschool basketball player making the NBA is probably 1 in 1,000…. Unless your name is Michael Jordan, in which case it’s 100%. So when you say to youself “going for that goal is a big risk”, think to yourself – is it really a big risk? For you?

And this is why the willingness to take risks is attractive to women. People who are willing to take risks do so because they are *winners*, and people who are afraid to take risks do so because they are *losers*. By taking risks, you are demonstrating to a woman that you are a winner… (well, either that or really stupid, but once you show you’re not stupid, you look like a winner)

Let me give you guys some real-life examples of simple risk-taking and what it says about you.

- You won’t eat Indian food – You’re a wimp and will barf

- You think Mexico is too dangerous to ever visit – You’re a chump and people like to rob you.

- You would never play the stock market – You’re not smart enough to win.

- You’re cheap (even if you’re rich) – Deep down inside you fear losing your money.

- You perform jackass-like stunts – You’re confident enough in your physical and mental prowess to do things that would otherwise be considered stupid.

- You’re trying to be a rockstar – You’re confident enough in your musical abilities that you’re willing to risk it all.

- You drive too fast – You’re confident enough in your abilities that you’re willing to bank on it.

- You have a bad habit of being loud and abrasive in bad neighborhoods and seedy bars – you’re confident that if things went down, you could handle yourself.

- You have a healthy contempt for rules and punishments – You’re smart enough to not get busted, and tough enough to risk the consequences.

Even risks that might otherwise be considered “stupid” can often make you look cool. If I were to do a bunch of Jackass-style stunts, I would probably hurt myself pretty bad, and for me, they would be stupid. But if you’re tougher than the average guy, if you have the fortitude, then one of those stunts might be a perfectly acceptable risk. They only look dangerous to wimps.

So what do you do now that I’ve enlightened you with this information? First, you have to go out there and take risks, and live a risk-taking life. That might mean a few failures here or there, but if you keep at it, you’ll become a winner. Second, when you’re talking to women, you want to convey this information. Talk (in comfort) about how you did something that might seem foolish or rash, and how it worked out. Finally, just remember guys… it’s *successful* risk taker, not *stupid* risk taker. I don’t want you guys poking your eyes out and coming back to me J