Thoughtmagnet

Anna Renee made a great comment on my last post, and I thought I would re-post it here.

FYI, I believe the reason the over-the-shoulder approach works so well is that it comes across natural. If you are starting up a conversation with an innocuous and casual line like “What do you think of guys who are still in touch with their ex-girlfriends”, it doesn’t make sense that you would turn around and face her directly, because the question itself is flippant and kind of silly.

Direct bodylanguage works fine with an opener like “You look like fun, what’s your name”. The difference is that this opener is direct, so the bodylanguage can be direct. With an indirect opener, you need indirect bodylanguage.

Anyway, here’s the comment.

TM,

Great blog. As a woman I couldn’t agree more with everything you said in this blog. If I could find a way to forward this to every male on the planet I would.

Not only do I love the points you’ve made I love the simplicity in which you present them.

The first time I heard/read about the over-the-shoulder approach, I thought it was brilliant but didn’t know why. Now, I think I know why but I am NOT sure if it is accurate. But I’ll try explain it:

I think it’s a primal thing. I was reading a ‘dog training’ book about how to get my puppy to stop pissing all over the place when I would come home. The books said to come in the house at an angle (shoulders angled/not directly facing the dog). It said that small puppies have a primal response to seeing another animal (including humans) with both their shoulder directly facing them. They automatically think it’s a threat.

I imagine women have a similar response when unknown men come directly up to them with both their shoulders directly facing her (I call this “squaring off”). It puts her on the defense. She unconsciously think that there could be a possibility for a threat.

Maybe I am wrong but that’s my theory why it works so well.

I al love the way you describe NEGs; keep it playful. Every other definition of NEGs should be burned and destroyed forever. “You and I would not get along” is perfect. ’nuff said.

I think a good reason NOT to hit on her right away is to give her a chance to get to know you before she’s forced to make a decision on whether or not she even wants to be hit on by you.

If she is hit on right away she has to make a quick decision whether she should use her “bitch shield” or not(“protection” or “defense” shield would be more female friendly terms…if you ask me…but you didn’t ask me so…).Don’t give her an excuse to use the shield on you.

Advice like this is one of the reasons I like this community. I can’t think of any of my girlfriends that wouldn’t mind being approached in such a non-threating and unique way. For a guy to pull this off he really has to pay attention to what the woman will respond well to (at least a first…I can’t vouch for what happens after the 7th hour).

Keep ‘em coming,
Ana

P.S.
Thanks for blogging today…it looks like all the other PUAs took the day off.