Three of the most common questions I get from guys, online or in seminar are:
- How do I stop running out of things to say?
- How do I get women to open up about themselves instead of being boring?
- How do I get women turned on, and chasing ME?
The answer to ALL these questions (and more) is Qualification. Qualification is one of the most POWERFUL tools that you can use in your game, but it’s also one of the ones that most guys ignore.
In this post, I’m going to show you how to fix ALL these problems, using a simple technique that I teach in my bootcamps. I want you guys to go out and use this technique in your next interaction with a girl you’re interested in, and report back in this thread.
What is Qualification:
Essentially, qualification is the art of getting women to IMPRESS YOU, and then making them feel good for it. It’s incredibly simple, but deceptively powerful. You see, most men spend all their time trying to impress women, and never even THINK to flip the script and start qualifying them instead.
When you qualify properly, you’re flipping the usual script of male-female interactions, and putting yourself in the drivers seat. Then, once you’re in the driver’s seat, you can use qualification to move a pickup, date, or relationship in the direction you want it to go.
At a surface level, qualification looks a lot like what most guys do on a date – asking questions, and giving compliments. But when you look a little deeper, you’ll realize that qualification is actually the exact opposite of what most guys do on a date.
Let me give you an example.
This is what most guys do:
- Guy: So, what kind of music do you like?
- Girl: I like all kinds of music, except country.
- Guy: Oh, that’s cool, I don’t like country either. What’s your favorite band?
- Girl: I dunno, coldplay?
- Guy: Oh, they’re really good. Do you like MGMT?
This is the same conversation, except the guy in the question is using the qualification techniques that we practice on a Love Systems Bootcamp (at least mine).
- LS Student: Ok, so you seem like you have good taste… but what kind of music do you like?
- Girl: I like all kinds of music, except country.
- LS Student: C’mon, you gotta give me something to work with here. Everything but country includes a lot of crappy music. What’s on your ipod right now?
- Girl: I really like the new Coldplay album.
- LS Student: Nice! I actually saw them at Sasquatch a few years back. I wasn’t a huge fan of theirs at the time, but they really put on an awesome show and won me over. So you do have good taste ☺. Ok, what’s the most obscure band you know that I need to check out?
What’s the difference?
On the surface, these conversations look pretty similar, but the Love Systems student is doing a lot of subtle things differently that drastically change the sub communications of the interaction.
He’s starting off with the frame that he’s judging her. This is not a boring old, “getting to know you question”. He’s letting her know in the first sentence that he is judging her on her taste in music. That starts the process of flipping the script and getting her to impress him.
He’s pushing her to give a good answer. When she starts off with a typical, no-effort required answer of “I like everything but country”, the Love Systems student pushes her to give a better answer. You often need to give a little push to get women to break out of “autopilot” mode, and to actually TRY in the conversation. This is important for getting her to open up.
He’s rewarding her for her effort. If you’re going to push people to open up, you need to make them feel good when they do so, or else they’re just going to close up again. The Love Systems student responds with a targeted compliment when she answers his question thoughtfully. The regular guy just responds with another question, which is going to make their conversation feel like a game of “20 questions”.
Once he’s rewarded her, he ups the ante. After getting her to open up, and making her feel good for her answer, he ups the ante by asking a bigger, more interesting question on the same theme. Because he made her feel good about opening up earlier, the girl in this situation is way more likely to provide a thoughtful and interesting answer to the next question, and the Love Systems student is going to make her feel good about that answer too.
What the Love Systems student is creating is a virtuous cycle, where he asks good questions, and the girl gives good answers, and then he makes her feel good with a compliment, physical escalation or a story that relates to the topic at hand. When this starts happening, all of a sudden conversation becomes easier, you stop running out of things to say, women start opening up to you (a LOT) and you can start escalating to bigger, more interesting, more sexual, or more deep conversational topics naturally.
Eventually, you can take this technique into the seduction phase and use it to create massive attraction.
A simple example of how you might use Qualification to sexualize:
- LS Student: So, do you consider yourself a passionate person?
- Girl: I’m super passionate, about everything I do.
- LS Student: That’s awesome (puts arm around her), I really like surrounding myself with people who love life and go after what they want. I like your style, give me a kiss (points to cheek).
- Girl: (hesitates).
- LS Student: Don’t be shy.
- Girl: Gives a kiss on the cheek.
- LS Student: Mmm. I liked that. You have a really feminine energy.
As you can see, what the student is doing in this case, is he is following a simple four step process to Qualification.
- ASK: You ask for something you want, whether it’s a good answer to a question, a kiss or anything.
- JUDGE: What you’re really judging her on is her EFFORT. If she’s putting effort into the interaction, by answering the question, or giving you a kiss or whatever, you go to the next step.
- REWARD: Always make people feel good for following your lead and giving you what you want, whether it’s a kiss or a good conversation. (This is true in ALL elements of life).
- ESCALATE: Once you’ve made them feel good for giving you what you want, see if you can get a bit more.
Anyway guys, this is POWERFUL stuff, and it’s REALLY simple and natural. Go out and use it tonight and report back!